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What's Wrong With People?
I decided long ago that I hate people. I can't stand them, and I really dislike everything they happen to create. I know what you're thinking: "Hey, Justin, You're a person, too!" Well. Crap.
I got nothin'.
I just hate people.
I think it started when I was a young child, of about six, and I went to a podunk elementary school with nothing but country bumpkins. After about two days of first grade, I was asked what church I go to. I was confounded. What were they speaking of? "Church..? What's that?" I responded to nothing more than a shocked gasp from an entire first grade class, including the teacher. What? What did I say? How was I different? Oh, and that would be the first, of many, times that I realized that I don't care for humanity. Not one bit.
After many years of contempt and hatred being harbored toward all things "Otherly," I have come up with a simple set of rules that I think everyone should follow so long as they are around other people.
Rule #1: Always Think of Others First
If we were to think of other people instead of ourselves first, things would work out better. Now, I'm not talking about giving the guy with more than twenty items in the TWENTY ITEMS OR LESS line your spot. On the contrary: just mention to him that he's violating the rule. If he gets huffy, let him know he's no longer part of society.
Rule #2: Understand Your Place
This relates to Rule #1 for a few reasons, but they will become obvious when this becomes your mantra. Nevertheless, you should understand what apples to you when. For instance, farting at the dinner table loudly is acceptable, so long as no one else is around said-dinner table. Think about where you are, who you are with, and what might happen if you decide to take off your pants.
Rule #3: Don't EVER Get in ANYONES Way
This is self-explanatory. Don't have a conversation with someone in a supermarket aisle. That's retarded. You should have conversations with those who you love and adore, sure, but do so in a respectable, conversational atmosphere: the sanitation aisle at Wal-Mart does not count. Don't ever wait at a green light. Don't get in my way, period.
Rule #4: Get To Know Four-Way Stops
I don't know if it's an Oklahoma thing or what, but people don't seem to understand Four-Way-Stops. They are simple. If you stop at the same time as someone else, if they are to your right, they go before you. If there's someone to their right, they go before you, then the other person, then you. If four people come to a stop at the same time, don't panic: for the love of God, don't just sit there and wait-it-out: COME TO A COMPLETE STOP, AND GO WHEN YOU SHOULD.
I think if we all abide by these rules, society will run just a little more smoothly. Now, we just need to get rid of taxes...
I got nothin'.
I just hate people.
I think it started when I was a young child, of about six, and I went to a podunk elementary school with nothing but country bumpkins. After about two days of first grade, I was asked what church I go to. I was confounded. What were they speaking of? "Church..? What's that?" I responded to nothing more than a shocked gasp from an entire first grade class, including the teacher. What? What did I say? How was I different? Oh, and that would be the first, of many, times that I realized that I don't care for humanity. Not one bit.
After many years of contempt and hatred being harbored toward all things "Otherly," I have come up with a simple set of rules that I think everyone should follow so long as they are around other people.
Rule #1: Always Think of Others First
If we were to think of other people instead of ourselves first, things would work out better. Now, I'm not talking about giving the guy with more than twenty items in the TWENTY ITEMS OR LESS line your spot. On the contrary: just mention to him that he's violating the rule. If he gets huffy, let him know he's no longer part of society.
Rule #2: Understand Your Place
This relates to Rule #1 for a few reasons, but they will become obvious when this becomes your mantra. Nevertheless, you should understand what apples to you when. For instance, farting at the dinner table loudly is acceptable, so long as no one else is around said-dinner table. Think about where you are, who you are with, and what might happen if you decide to take off your pants.
Rule #3: Don't EVER Get in ANYONES Way
This is self-explanatory. Don't have a conversation with someone in a supermarket aisle. That's retarded. You should have conversations with those who you love and adore, sure, but do so in a respectable, conversational atmosphere: the sanitation aisle at Wal-Mart does not count. Don't ever wait at a green light. Don't get in my way, period.
Rule #4: Get To Know Four-Way Stops
I don't know if it's an Oklahoma thing or what, but people don't seem to understand Four-Way-Stops. They are simple. If you stop at the same time as someone else, if they are to your right, they go before you. If there's someone to their right, they go before you, then the other person, then you. If four people come to a stop at the same time, don't panic: for the love of God, don't just sit there and wait-it-out: COME TO A COMPLETE STOP, AND GO WHEN YOU SHOULD.
I think if we all abide by these rules, society will run just a little more smoothly. Now, we just need to get rid of taxes...
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